My Next New Life — History Tom

More than 20 years ago Julie and I had lunch at our favorite local pub, Cato’s on Piedmont street in Oakland and I proposed we have children. Having children was not a given at that point in our life. I was in my mid-30s and Julie was a bit younger. We had been together for more than a decade and were both either lukewarm on the idea or just too busy and enjoying each other’s company for it to be a super-conscious decision.

I do not remember what motivated the urge in me to make the suggestion. I am fairly certain it was not anything interesting or unusual. I want to say Julie agreed and that we had further conversations about the implications of our decision, but again I do not remember what happened next other than the trying part ;-)

It didn’t take long before Julie gave birth to our first child, Lola. A mere 19 months later and her brother, Oliver, was born. Once we decided to have children, we both agreed that two, born close together, was our preference and so you can say we “nailed that.” Since then we have been fully immersed in MamaPapaLolaOllie life.

But in just a couple of weeks, that story, a story of two parents raising two children, comes to a glorious close.

Our daughter left the house more than two years ago to start college in San Francisco. Although she did move out (and I took over her bedroom for my office), it didn’t have the sense of permanence or a complete changing of circumstance. Oliver was still at home of course and it wasn’t clear what Lola would do after she graduated. In fact, she did move back home, not necessarily with the intent to stay very long, but with the uncertainty of when and where her career would launch.

But, boy howdy did that girl make her next move with confidence and determination. The nature of her career aspirations were such that she felt she needed to live in one of a few cities. Her first two choices were New York City and London, but for a host of reasons you might well imagine, those were perhaps a step or two farther in the future. So she made the decision to move back to San Francisco. Housing in the city is notoriously difficult and expensive so when she found a room for rent, we drove to the city the next day, signed a lease that afternoon, and moved in the following Sunday. She didn’t have a job at the time (just a substantial savings account from her work at McDonald’s while going to high school) but had a few interviews lined up. Within two weeks she had a job that she loves and is so perfect for her right now. (This is all a bit of an aside from the main point of my story here, but I am just so proud and happy of her accomplishments.)

So anyways, now Oliver is hitting the road. He’s off to pursue a degree in urban and regional planning from UC San Diego. While it’s true that I didn’t necessarily view Lola’s departure to college as a major transition, in this case, it’s a little different. For one, Oliver is embarking on at least a four year long journey. I also won’t be surprised if he ends up pursuing a graduate degree. (He still holds a deep ambition to attend UC Berkeley.) I’m also expecting that his educational journey is more likely to transition straight into a career position.

So here we are, on the cusp of being what we were two decades ago: a boy and a girl, in love, and eager to renew that sense of shared purpose and commitment. It’s not clear how our lives will change–planned and unplanned–but change they will and in big ways that makes me think of what’s about to happen as “my next new life.”